you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
