glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
