I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize