That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
