even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
