It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
