My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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