My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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