the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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