Ambien. No doubt about it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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