Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
