I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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