I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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