For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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