Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
