I don't usually arrange sex via text message
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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