Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
