I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
