guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
