Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
