I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize