think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
