I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
