dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
