Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
