I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
