she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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