Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
