Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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