I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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