what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
