I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
