I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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