I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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