i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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