i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
