i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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