Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
