i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
