I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
