The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My balls are so social today.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
