Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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