My first STD was from a foam party
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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