Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
