allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
