how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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