Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
