ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
