from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
