You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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