1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
