fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i have two assholes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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