I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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