Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
