Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
