the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is Oprah even human
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
