OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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