false alarm. still invincible.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
