i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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