just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
