I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
