She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
