Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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