Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
