hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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