I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
