we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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