I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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