Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
