I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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