Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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