Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
