thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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