I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
