There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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