he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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