i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????