porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
