Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You are the jesus of drinking
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.