4 words: hood of his car
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook