she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner