omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
