So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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