She told me I should be a condom model.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
