Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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